I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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