Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
