If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
