I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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