I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
