what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
