I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
