Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize