I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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