do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I looked at my own cervix.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
