She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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