hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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