he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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