What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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