Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She said her name was "party"
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
