my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
