You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
