dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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