god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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