Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
