If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
