Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize