He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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