The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
