i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
