I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
