i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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