i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
