Apparently you make a good broom.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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