R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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