Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
