There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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