I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
