PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
