remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Do vagina's smell?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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