He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I wear drunk well.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize