Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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