Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Is Oprah even human
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize