you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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