Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize