I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
