Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
