I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
