I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
