I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
