there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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