Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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