I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
