he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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