we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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