spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I stole a fireplace last night.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
