Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
