i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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