It was confusing and full of hummus
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My bed smells like the plague
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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