You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
