i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
