I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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