dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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