im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
