The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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