I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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