i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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