Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
