If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
