it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
