U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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